My husband and I bought our granddaughter a wedding gift from her registry. She reached out and accused us of being cheap after getting the wedding present. Now, she is upset and threatens to cut us off because we didn’t give her the cash gift that we presented to each of our grandkids a day before their wedding.
An elderly couple | Source: Getty Images
I’m in my 70s, a proud grandmother to five amazing grandkids: three women and two men. I adore my grandkids and often show up for them emotionally and financially. Whenever they have celebrations or hard times, they know that they can count on me.
Grandparents with their grown grandkids | Source; Getty Images
The youngest of grandkids, Eloise, got married last October. My husband, who is also in his 70s, and I have a tradition for our grandkids. We buy a small gift from the wedding registry, usually the cheapest item, and then, the day before the wedding, we give them a check for $40,000.
We hope they’ll use it for a house, but it’s ultimately their choice. We also ask them to keep it a secret, considering our large family. Until now, everyone has respected this request.
Happy young woman opening a gift | Source: Getty Images
This time, we sent an air fryer to our youngest granddaughter, the cheapest thing on her registry. Eloise called us, livid, accusing us of being cheap. I remember picking up her call and she didn’t even say hi, she just started ranting, “Seriously, Grandma? I just got your gift. An air fryer? That’s the cheapest thing you could find on my registry!”
Woman rejecting a gift | Source: Getty Images
I was taken aback because as much as the air fryer was the cheapest on their registry, I still thought it’d be useful to them, so I told her that. Eloise kept on complaining, “Useful? Come on, you know you can do better than that. Everyone knows you have the money. I just can’t believe you’d be this cheap with me. It’s embarrassing.”
An air fryer | Source: Getty Images
In this heated moment, I told her, “Yes, you’re right. We are cheap, old, and useless. The only thing you DIDN’T know is that the day before the wedding, we were going to gift you a check for $40,000.”
Woman disappointed by a gift | Source: Getty Images
I revealed this in an attempt to explain to Eloise about the cash gift we usually give our grandkids before the wedding but she was so angry at this point, that she wasn’t listening to a thing I said. I speculated that maybe she didn’t believe we would gift her such an amount of money after only buying her an air fryer.
Eventually, she said, “No, it’s clear. You just don’t love me enough to show it. You know how much pressure I’m under with the wedding. And then, this? It’s like you don’t even care,” then she hung up.
Disappointed elderly couple | Source: Getty Images
Despite my husband and I’s shock at Eloise’s reaction, we then bought her a China set, hoping to appease her, but decided against giving her the $40,000, feeling she hadn’t earned it.
Fast forward to last week. Eloise talked to her brother and found out that we were telling her the truth about the money. After confirming it with her cousins, she, called again, accusing us of discrimination, “I just found out that it’s true you gave the money to everyone else when they got married. Why didn’t I get anything?”
A cash gift | source: Getty Images
We stood firm, explaining our stance was due to her initial reaction, “We felt after your reaction to the wedding gift, it wasn’t right to go ahead and gift you the money.” Eloise pleaded trying to convince us otherwise, “So, you’re punishing me? Is that it? Because I was upset about an air fryer?”
Woman throwing tantrums | Source: Getty Images
I was angry that she didn’t even understand what she did wrong. “It wasn’t about the air fryer, Eloise. It was how you spoke to us, the disrespect. That’s not something we expected or can support,” I explained.
Bewildered elderly woman on phone | Source: Getty Images
Eloise implored us, nearly in tears, “But that’s so unfair! I was stressed, Grandma. Planning a wedding is hard, and I just snapped. I didn’t mean any of it.” I felt like she should have only apologized to us instead of finding excuses to justify her behavior.
However, I told her, “We understand that it’s a stressful time, but actions and words have consequences. We hoped you’d understand the value of family and love over material things.” Full of desperation, Eloise added, “But you don’t understand! Can’t we just forget all this happened? I need that money, Grandma.”
Young woman holding back tears on phone | Source: Getty Images
She pleaded, threatened to boycott Christmas, and accused us of cutting her off but we didn’t budge. In the end, I expressed, “We love you very much. This has nothing to do with cutting you off. We just hope you’ll reflect on this and understand why we made our decision.”
Woman showing threatening finger | Source: Getty Images
Now, Eloise has followed up on her threat and she’s boycotting Christmas. Her mother, who is our daughter-in-law, is siding with her, calling us unreasonable. However, we feel that after all we have done for Eloise, the air fryer gift, shouldn’t have triggered this reaction.
Bewildered elderly couple | Source: Getty Images
For context, we had already paid for her college, and her parents covered her graduate school and half the wedding. Additionally, she and her husband are financially comfortable and do not desperately need our money.
We’re also not upset with our grandkids for revealing the cash gift since she is among the group of family members who are allowed to know about it. Our reason for sending the air fryer earlier was that we live far away, so we always send our gifts early.
Elderly couple enjoying family time | Source: Getty Images
The wedding gift is also separate from the money, which we give with the hope it will be used for something significant, like a home. Now, we feel like the action we took towards Eloise was well deserved and we are not going back on our decisions even if she and her mom threaten to do their worst.
Despite the tumultuous events and Eloise’s refusal to understand our perspective, my husband and I stand by our decision. Love and respect in our family are paramount, and we hoped this situation would be a learning experience for her.
Elderly couple with family on Christmas | Source: Getty Images
The holidays might be quieter this year with her family’s absence, but our hope is for healing and understanding in the future. Our door and hearts remain open to Eloise, whenever she’s ready to mend fences.
Want more like this? Click here to read about a grandmother who sparked controversy online because she doesn’t bring her grandchildren gifts when she visits.
Grandma Doesn’t Bring Her Grandchildren Gifts When She Visits Them
A grandmother who uses TikTok to give tips about being a grandparent posted a controversial video that sparked an online debate between grandparents and parents. She started one of her videos by saying she doesn’t give gifts to her grandchildren whenever she visits them.
DeeDee from MoreThanGrand has made it her goal to help new grandparents transition into their new role. She provides content to help grandparents better support and communicate with parents in raising their beloved grandchildren. However, one particular content she put out didn’t sit well with many people. They felt she was taking things too far and a little too seriously.
Why Doesn’t She Bring Gifts for Her Grandchildren?
She lived in a different area from where her grandchildren lived, and the woman only saw them a couple of times yearly. She decided early on in being a grandmother that she wouldn’t bring something with her each time she visited.
One reason why she wanted to avoid bringing unnecessary gifts was because her grandchildren already had so many things to begin with. She tried to support the parents who didn’t want any more clutter entering their home.
Another reason was that she was stingy when it came to money. “I’m cheap and I don’t want to waste money on stuff that’s just going to be cast aside,” she admitted.
However, the main reason why she refused to bring gifts for her grandchildren was because she didn’t want them to look forward to her visits because of what she had with her. She wanted them to be excited to see her.
She didn’t want her grandchildren to rush to the door only to ask her what was inside her suitcase for them. Instead, she wanted them to greet her with loving smiles and warm embraces.
The Woman Made It Clear That She Wasn’t Always Empty-Handed
The woman clarified that she didn’t always visit her grandchildren without anything in hand. On some occasions, she’d bring a book she’d been reading to them over video chat and read it together while snuggled up in bed.
While others commended her for her simplicity, others felt she was taking things too far.
Sometimes, she’d take along a board game they could play together. After her visit, she’d take the board game back home with her so they had something to play when it was her grandchildren’s turn to visit her.
Once, she even reminisced about her childhood by bringing the cookies her grandmother once got her as a child. However, these occasions were rare.
She’d instead bring her undivided attention and her open hugs. For the woman, it’s been the most fulfilling thing. Whenever she’s greeted at the door, her grandchildren run to embrace her and tell her how much they miss her. She shared her take on loving grandchildren without needing gifts, which sparked an online debate.
While others commended her for her simplicity, others felt she was taking things too far. Some users noted that gift-giving is an actual love language that children greatly appreciate.
“I had a grandma like you describe to be… I thought of her as miserly,” one commenter wrote. They thought it was okay for children to receive at least small tokens of appreciation, especially if they hadn’t seen their grandmother in a long time. After all, it’s the thought that counts.
Last but not least, people felt the situation wasn’t an either-or scenario where they had to choose one over the other. Users reminded her that it was okay to be both present in her grandchildren’s lives while occasionally showering them with simple gifts.